Thursday, May 19, 2005

A Champ and His Work

My friends, today I am in a bad, bad mood, and I want to kick many things. Lucky for us we are not face to face, eh, on this "internet window" or else I would have to give you the punch to the balls. I kid. Gladys even gave me a surprise, she took out the wall of our shower and put in a glass one instead. It is very useful, because now I can see outdoors and tell when the garbage man will come to get our bags, but I am just not in the mood to admire the view.

I bet you are saying to yourself, "Jean Claude is a very big star. What does he, such a great big action hero, have to complain about?" Though you are only fans and not very good at acting or getting the "big bucks" like me, I think you can understand when I say, "Some things are very hard. Even when you are a Hollywood person. Sometimes, it is even harder."

My father used to tell me, when I was back in home country of Belgium, to "always look at the numbers. The numbers are the bottom line." He is an accountant and a smart man. Numbers are important because they let us communicate with many kinds of people. For example, I can tell the waiter I want five bottles of Stoli, or I can tell the baker man I want two big cookies. If I hold three fingers up and am very quiet, that is the same as shouting "three!" And every country has its own number language, because sometimes in England I will get a drink with a very big number, but in America, the same drink is something very small! Also, in England they use something called "millipedes" to count, and we use ounzes. Haha, I am like your numbers translator. They are very wonderful, no?

But right now I am looking at the phone number for my production company, and they are not wonderful at all. I will tell you now why I am so "worked up" and angry today. It is because I was on the phone with those mongrel bastards my production company, and they tell me that my movie, Kumite, has been pushed back to open in 2007. 2007!!! That is rotten number, too. Kumite is close to my heart, because it is the second part of one of my favorite movies (that I have acted in), and I feel so strong that everyone is on the seat of their pants to see it. It is a little risky, I will say, because a lot of movies start with the hero and he wins, but this one is different because I already was the hero and won the championship, and now I start the loser and not winner. So the real question is, can I win again and become the hero? It is like a big circle! I wrote a lot of it, so I am a very proud "papa"! It feels good to be the big cheese, but it is a lot of headache when I have to solve such problems.

I would talk more, but now it is time for me to wake the children for their school. They are growing just as fast as my cubs! Kristopher, though I complain sometimes about his dedication, is a fine boy, and Bianca will be a real heart-breaker; she reminds me of me when I was her age. The youngest son does not do so much...I try and toss my boy in the air, but he screams for help and people stare too much. His favorite thing is to play with the thing that adds a bunch of numbers together super-fast, but I think he is doing it wrong, because all he writes down are big E's and triangles and exclamation marks. What nonsense! I don't know, numbers are important, but I think he is just retarded.